You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
