I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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