did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
