dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize