I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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