I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
