So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
