guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
