You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
