we have pet lesbian snakes
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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