Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
