i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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