Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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