i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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