Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
