im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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