R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
