Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
