I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
