And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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