Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
