tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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