Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
