PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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