I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize