I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
