I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
