You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
