Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Houston, we have a blender
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
