were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
