The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
