Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
