I wish I could teleport
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
