apparently the secret to your success is patron
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
