im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
