Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
