my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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