I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My life is pants optional.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
