Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
