Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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