Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
