Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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