No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
