I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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