I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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