only if we run a train.
done.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
