Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
