so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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