there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
