"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
