How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
