I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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