Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
