I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
