the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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