I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
