these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
