I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
