you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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