it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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