Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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