i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
